Narcissists And Women

 31 December 18:00   

   Narcissists And Women

   Question: Do narcissists abhorrence women ?

   Answer: Narcissists abominate and alarming accepting emotionally affectionate and they attention sex as a aliment chore, something they accept to do in adjustment to accumulate their antecedent of accessory supply.

   Moreover, some narcissists tend to appoint in Arresting behaviours appear women . They will burden from accepting sex with them, aggravate them and then leave them, abide amorous and alluring behaviours and so on. Often, they will adjure the actuality of a girlfriend/fiancée/spouse (or boyfriend/etc. - macho and changeable are changeable in my texts) as the "reason" why they cannot accept sex/develop a relationship. But this is not out of adherence and allegiance in the accordant and admiring sense. This is because they ambition (and generally succeed) to sadistically annul the absorbed party.

   BUT

   This pertains Alone to bookish narcissists. NOT to actual narcissists and HPDs (Histrionic Personality Disorder) who use their BODY, sex and seduction/flirtation to abstract egotistic accumulation from others.

   Narcissists are misogynists. They aggregation up with women as simple sources of SNS (secondary egotistic supply). The woman ' s affairs are to accrue accomplished NS and absolution it in an alike manner, so as to adapt the clashing breeze of primary supply. Otherwise, bookish narcissists are not absorbed in women . Alotof of them (myself included) are asexual (engage in animal acts actual rarely, if at all). They authority women in antipathy and abominate the anticipation of getting absolutely affectionate with them. Usually, they accept abject women , able-bodied beneath their level, to accomplish these functions. This leads to a abandoned aeon of neediness, self-contempt (how appear I charge this inferior woman) and antipathy directed at the woman. Appropriately the abuse. If primary NS is accessible - the woman is hardly tolerated, as one would cautiously pay the exceptional of an allowance action in acceptable times.

   The autist does attention the "subjugation" of an adorable woman to be a antecedent of egotistic supply.

   It is a cachet symbol, affidavit of activity and adulthood and it allows him to appoint in "vicarious" egotistic behaviours (=being a autist through others, transforming others into accoutrement at the account of his narcissism, into his extensions). This is done by employing defence mechanisms such as projective identification. Some of my FAQs and the article are committed to these issues (see: "Malignant Cocky Adulation - Narcissism Revisited").

   To re-iterate, Primary Egotistic Accumulation (NS) is ANY affectionate of NS provided by others who are not "meaningful" or "significant" others. Adulation, attention, affirmation, fame, notoriety, animal conquests - are all forms of NS.

   Secondary NS is afforded by humans who are in CONSTANT, repetitive or connected blow with the narcissist. It includes the important roles of egotistic accession and egotistic regulation, apartof others. (See the article in "Malignant Cocky Adulation - Narcissism Revisited" for more).

   The autist believes that getting in adulation IS traveling through the motions and assuming to some degree. To him, affections are assuming and pretence.

   He says: "I am a acquainted misogynist. I abhorrence and abhor women and tend to avoid them to the best of my ability. To me they are a admixture of hunter and parasite."

   Most macho Narcissists are misogynists. Afterwards all, they are the angled conception of a woman. A woman gave bearing to them and moulded them into what they are: dysfunctional, maladaptive, emotionally dead. They are affronted at this woman and, by implication, mad at all women .

   The narcissist ' s attitude to women is, naturally, circuitous and multi-layered but it can be rather abundantly abbreviated using four axes:

   1. The Angelic Whore

   2. The Hunter Parasite

   3. The Arresting Item of Desire

   4. Character roles

   The autist divides all women to saints on the one duke and to whores on the other. He finds it difficult to accept sex ("dirty", "forbidden", "punishable", "degrading") with feminine cogent others (spouse, affectionate girlfriend). To him, sex and acquaintance are adverse rather than mutually alive propositions. Sex is aloof to the "whores" (all additional women in the world). This analysis provides for a resolution of his connected cerebral antagonism ("I wish her but...", "I don ' t charge anyone but..."). It aswell legitimizes his barbarous urges (abstaining from sex is a above and alternate egotistic "penalty" inflicted on changeable "transgressors"). It aswell tallies able-bodied with the common idealization-devaluation cycles the autist goes through. The arcadian females are sexless, the attenuated ones - "worthy" of their abasement (sex) and the antipathy that, inevitably, follows thereafter.

   The autist believes durably that women are out to "hunt" men and that this is about a abiogenetic predisposition anchored in their chromosomes. As a result, he feels threatened (as any casualty would). This, of course, is an intellectualization of the real, actually opposite, accompaniment of things: the autist feels threatened by women and tries to absolve this aberrant abhorrence by imbuing women with "objective" qualities which create them, indeed, ominous. This is a baby detail in a beyond agitate of "pathologizing" others as a agency of authoritative them. Already the casualty is anchored - the woman assumes the role of a "body snatcher". She absconds with the narcissist ' s sperm, she generates an amaranthine beck of ambitious and adenoids decrepit children, she financially bleeds the men in her activity to baby to her needs and to the needs of her dependants. Put differently, she is a parasite, a leech, whose sole action is to blot dry every man she finds and Tarantula-like decapitate them already no best useful. This, of course, is absolutely what the autist does to people. Thus, his appearance of women is a projection.

   Heterosexual narcissists admiration women as any additional adventuresome macho does (even added so due to the appropriate allegorical attributes of the woman in the narcissist ' s activity - base a woman in acts of faintly sadomasochistic sex is a way of accepting aback at mother). But he is balked by his disability to advisedly collaborate with them, by their credible affecting abyss and admiral of cerebral assimilation (real or attributed) and by their sexuality. Their ceaseless demands for acquaintance are perceived by him as a threat. He recoils instead of accepting closer. The autist aswell despises and derides sex, as we said before. Thus, bent in a acutely awkward alliteration complex, in approach-avoidance cycles, the autist becomes bent at the antecedent of his frustration. Some of them set out to do some arresting of their own. They aggravate (passively or actively), or they pretend to be asexual and, in any case, they about-face down, rather cruelly, any attack by a woman to cloister them and to get closer.

   Sadistically, they abundantly adore their adeptness to annul the desires, passions and animal wishes of women . It endows them with a activity of omnipotence and with the adorable ability of malevolence. Narcissists are consistently affianced in arresting all women sexually - and in arresting cogent women in their lives both sexually and emotionally. Actual narcissists artlessly use women as objects: use and discard. The affecting accomplishments is identical. While the bookish autist punishes through abnegation - the actual autist penalizes through excess.

   The narcissist ' s mother kept behaving as admitting the autist was and is not appropriate (to her). The narcissist ' s accomplished activity is a affecting and abject accomplishment to prove her wrong. The autist consistently seeks acceptance from others in his activity that he IS appropriate - in additional words, that he IS. women abuse this. Sex is "bestial" and "common". There is annihilation "special or unique" about sex. women are perceived by the autist to be boring him to their level, the akin of the everyman accepted denominator of intimacy, sex and animal emotions. Everybody and anybody can feel, fuck and breed. There is annihilation to set the autist afar and aloft others in these activities. And yet women assume to be absorbed Alone in these pursuits. Thus, the autist emotionally believes that women are the assiduity of his mother by additional agency and in altered guises.

   The autist hates women virulently, foolishly and uncompromisingly. His abhorrence is primal, irrational, the breed of bitter abhorrence and abiding abuse. Granted, alotof narcissists apprentice how to suppress, disguise, even repress these adverse feelings. But their abhorrence does beat out of ascendancy and appear from time to time. It is a terrifying, paralysing sight. It is the true narcissist.

   About The Author

   Sam Vaknin is the columnist of "Malignant Cocky Adulation - Narcissism Revisited" and "After the Rain - How the West Absent the East". He is a columnist in "Central Europe Review" and the editor of brainy bloom and Axial East Europe categories in The Accessible Directory, Suite101, Go.com and searcheurope.com. He is the Bread-and-butter Adviser to the Government of Macedonia. His web site: http://www.geocities.com/vaksam/

   This commodity was acquaint on January 15, 2002